Some of the humor leaves Isaac's tone, and John feels the air around them shift accordingly.
His own words, spoken quietly as he stood across from Eleanor Guthrie: It also goes away, if you let it.
"So that's the trick," John says, as if it has not been his life. The measuring of wants and desires has been a necessity to survive, but maybe that has done more to keep him alive than he'd been aware of. A low chuckle, reaching for the bottle.
"Even after your tutelage, it still seems to me that there is a..."
His hands move, cup momentarily abandoned, sketching a shape in the air. A weighing of scales.
"A price. Some costs are more immediate than others, but it seems that there is something waiting to seize a man at the wrist if he reaches just a hair further than he should."
"Of course there is." Isaac reaches to set down the cup, reaches further, to grasp one sketching hand in his. "When I was a child, on feast days I would wrap a string about some woman at market. A bracelet, for the fine lady. For her gentleman."
His own trace of fingers, about wrist.
"My sister would lift their pockets."
He sighs. Lets go.
"The stakes are higher now," Temptation shadows ability — "And you feel them grubbing about for what they might take. More pleasant to ignore. That's why you do not allow yourself to forget."
A fine bit of misdirection, John thinks, watching Isaac's fingers close over his wrist.
(Thinks of the cold, bony clutch of the dead at his ankle, the ghost of something reaching back for him beyond the Veil.)
"You make it sound—not simple. But more manageable than I had imagined."
But had Flint not said as much? The danger was in convincing himself the possibility was inevitable. John had lived much of his life carefully mitigating his own emotions, excising wants and desires before they became overwhelming.
This is not a minor change. But the approach should be much the same, if Isaac is correct.
"You manage until you can't, you live until you don't." He finishes the cup, peat coiling down his throat; settles like coke into the barrel. "It's all the same trick."
Isaac nods to the bottle, the mug: If you please,
"The question is what you're buying."
What that price is worth. John isn't the type to spend freely — might have shaken off Isaac a dozen times over, if this were only about a secret; about blackmail.
A familiar sentiment. It's guided John's life for as long as he can remember, only the stakes have been raised a fair way. It had always been easier when he was on his own.
The mug is filled, John leaning an elbow on the table as he pours. Isaac isn't necessarily asking, but John considers his answer anyway.
"The situation on Nascere has changed," John says slowly. "We've had word that our people have suffered a decisive defeat."
He does not say: the woman I love might be dead.
"After what happened on the road, I'd thought of what I might need to do in a scenario where secrecy no longer mattered as much as I wanted it to."
He does not say: I am thinking the only way forward is to use this truth to our advantage, whatever it costs.
He listens, fingers curled about the mug; head canted in thought.
“Will you go back to them?”
It seems the only question worth asking. John has never struck him as someone willing to die for a lost cause, but secrets keep, they flock together; where you have flushed one, a dozen linger.
"I'll know better what must be done once we have more than rumors to base a decision on. But I can't do very much from here."
All that sounds very logical, very strategic. John's tone is divorced from the crushing agony of potential loss, talking around the toll this may very well take on him.
"If Riftwatch is unwilling to accompany us..."
A spread of hands, a shrug. What else can be done?
Not an idle question. Flint is a quarter of its decisions; his acquaintances, John's, a mass of its people. How many of those bear any love for their leadership? How many could say what their work stands for?
Riftwatch is no cause of its own, its existence a haphazard agreement. To stand against something is to stand for little at all.
"You have a ship. You have the funds, the friends."
All might be turned north. If Riftwatch is anything, then it's possibility: The promise of future access, of continued harbor. Useful only so far as one's goal extends — useful only if that extends beyond Nascere.
(Would Isaac go north? He doesn't intend to die for anything.)
An echo of a question John has turned in his mind already today. Why not simply go? Take whatever and whoever they can and leave, let Yseult and Thranduil and Rutyer chase them across the sea if they would.
"We have business that would benefit from connections here," John says slowly, careful. "When we broke from the Inquisition, I had said then that our remaining links to both Inquisition and Chantry would be a benefit to shield us from too much scrutiny."
Though the actions John had wanted had never materialized. Riftwatch is as ponderous and slow as the Inquisition had been in some ways, and the lure of shedding the less dedicated members is undeniable.
"I still believe there is value in our southern presence. Whatever happens after Nascere, we will still need to press back against Tevinter, and beyond that..."
A gesture of John's hand, tired, sweeping over all the things that likely keep Flint awake over the ever increasing stacks of paperwork on his desk. The Qun, Tevinter, then beyond them, the Chantry, Orlais, all these forces that would take them out at the knees one way or another if they were not prepared.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
His own words, spoken quietly as he stood across from Eleanor Guthrie: It also goes away, if you let it.
"So that's the trick," John says, as if it has not been his life. The measuring of wants and desires has been a necessity to survive, but maybe that has done more to keep him alive than he'd been aware of. A low chuckle, reaching for the bottle.
"Even after your tutelage, it still seems to me that there is a..."
His hands move, cup momentarily abandoned, sketching a shape in the air. A weighing of scales.
"A price. Some costs are more immediate than others, but it seems that there is something waiting to seize a man at the wrist if he reaches just a hair further than he should."
no subject
His own trace of fingers, about wrist.
"My sister would lift their pockets."
He sighs. Lets go.
"The stakes are higher now," Temptation shadows ability — "And you feel them grubbing about for what they might take. More pleasant to ignore. That's why you do not allow yourself to forget."
no subject
(Thinks of the cold, bony clutch of the dead at his ankle, the ghost of something reaching back for him beyond the Veil.)
"You make it sound—not simple. But more manageable than I had imagined."
But had Flint not said as much? The danger was in convincing himself the possibility was inevitable. John had lived much of his life carefully mitigating his own emotions, excising wants and desires before they became overwhelming.
This is not a minor change. But the approach should be much the same, if Isaac is correct.
no subject
Isaac nods to the bottle, the mug: If you please,
"The question is what you're buying."
What that price is worth. John isn't the type to spend freely — might have shaken off Isaac a dozen times over, if this were only about a secret; about blackmail.
no subject
The mug is filled, John leaning an elbow on the table as he pours. Isaac isn't necessarily asking, but John considers his answer anyway.
"The situation on Nascere has changed," John says slowly. "We've had word that our people have suffered a decisive defeat."
He does not say: the woman I love might be dead.
"After what happened on the road, I'd thought of what I might need to do in a scenario where secrecy no longer mattered as much as I wanted it to."
He does not say: I am thinking the only way forward is to use this truth to our advantage, whatever it costs.
no subject
“Will you go back to them?”
It seems the only question worth asking. John has never struck him as someone willing to die for a lost cause, but secrets keep, they flock together; where you have flushed one, a dozen linger.
no subject
What help can he provide them from here?
"I'll know better what must be done once we have more than rumors to base a decision on. But I can't do very much from here."
All that sounds very logical, very strategic. John's tone is divorced from the crushing agony of potential loss, talking around the toll this may very well take on him.
"If Riftwatch is unwilling to accompany us..."
A spread of hands, a shrug. What else can be done?
no subject
Not an idle question. Flint is a quarter of its decisions; his acquaintances, John's, a mass of its people. How many of those bear any love for their leadership? How many could say what their work stands for?
Riftwatch is no cause of its own, its existence a haphazard agreement. To stand against something is to stand for little at all.
"You have a ship. You have the funds, the friends."
All might be turned north. If Riftwatch is anything, then it's possibility: The promise of future access, of continued harbor. Useful only so far as one's goal extends — useful only if that extends beyond Nascere.
(Would Isaac go north? He doesn't intend to die for anything.)
no subject
"We have business that would benefit from connections here," John says slowly, careful. "When we broke from the Inquisition, I had said then that our remaining links to both Inquisition and Chantry would be a benefit to shield us from too much scrutiny."
Though the actions John had wanted had never materialized. Riftwatch is as ponderous and slow as the Inquisition had been in some ways, and the lure of shedding the less dedicated members is undeniable.
"I still believe there is value in our southern presence. Whatever happens after Nascere, we will still need to press back against Tevinter, and beyond that..."
A gesture of John's hand, tired, sweeping over all the things that likely keep Flint awake over the ever increasing stacks of paperwork on his desk. The Qun, Tevinter, then beyond them, the Chantry, Orlais, all these forces that would take them out at the knees one way or another if they were not prepared.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORBgNjm2K0w
"I'm not a sailing man, John," No shit. "But I hope you've an end to that horizon."