[ ness lets the caterpillar crawl over her as she listens, mind half on how interesting it is to watch the thing move and half on isaac's explanation. she's beginning to understand some of the culture here, the stock placed in implication and leaving things unsaid. ]
Hardly fair, [ with all the enthusiasm of one who knows the world is rarely ever fair. ] Differences of governor, I assume, and too much slack on the leash?
[ those too enamored of their own power and convinced of their righteousness are always a danger, no matter the system or setting. ]
No way to know, at the end of this, which Circle one might be shipped off to, Montsimmard or the Gallows. Is a return to the Circles guaranteed, once Corypheus is dealt with?
[ the bug inches along, tiny feet bristling; blind to the world. isaac fishes in a pocket. ]
There are those who benefitted of the Circles — I stand among them. Were it not for the Chantry, I should be dead several times over. That isn’t enough.
To judge the Circles by their kindnesses is to excuse their abuses. I speak beyond the moral: There are ever those who would back themselves into a cage, as though good behavior will protect them. But what we permit will be used against us.
Tranquility cannot be so bad, after all. Montsimmard only made them of the willing.
[ he comes up with a cigarette, a thumb to spark. ]
I'm lecturing. You spoke of a library, and the similarities are striking; I would not have someone dangle the hope of home before you.
[ this is all alarming—so alarming that it gives ness pause, even as she frowns deeply at her caterpillar friend.
she recalls a scribing room, sat at an elbow smudged with ink and a husky voice murmuring—'ware the radical with vision, ennaris, always be sure to think for yourself. ren's dark, serious eyes holding hers as she explained tactics, rhetoric—the opposition is coming for you as you sleep, your life may be forfeit if you don't align with us, anyone who disagrees is naive or stupid or an agent of the enemy.
given what she already knows of the chantry, it doesn't seem impossible—nor, even, especially unlikely—that they will eventually come steal her from her bed one night. she'd be a fool, though, to be swayed so quickly, and an even bigger fool to trust without reservation a man who saw a young girl lacking context and pounced on the opportunity she presented. ]
I have experienced, [ she says slowly, finding the path of her sentence deliberately, ] being a conduit for magic I could not control. To be out of control of myself—worse, to know that even without intention I could cause serious harm... It was terrible. For a week, I was in misery.
[ her eyes meet isaac's now, steely, daring. the caterpillar is encouraged to the desk. ]
It was a templar who first rescued me from myself, and then a native mage. They both had an earnest desire to do right by me, not ignorant of the pain I could cause but willing to reach out their hands despite.
I needed both of them to be safe and useful. Not just the mage.
[ need them. he looks back, even; but a little funny. a little distant. patterns do repeat. ]
I'm sorry to hear it. You'll find most mages sympathize – whatever one's circumstance, the early years can be difficult. This decade's apprentices have new challenges before them. New, at least, to the South.
[ a shrug; he smokes. the caterpillar probes the edge of her notes, mandibles grinding for purchase. a native, and the order wouldn't call in an apostate. it leaves one man: ]
When you next speak with Enchanter Julius, you may wish to ask him of dispelling magic. Most Templars are presently occupied. We must take a degree of responsibility for ourselves.
[ it's not all doom and gloom, echoes a voice, it's about making you doubt yourself, too. always be open to being wrong—but don't trust someone who just wants you to be insecure. ]
I did.
[ need them. confident, assured. she did, because she wasn't making it stop on her own. she did, because she was too afraid to look for help. she did, because she says she did, and her opinion's the only one that counts in the matter. ]
I'm currently on magebane, [ not confirming or denying julius' involvement, ] whenever I can feel a flare coming on. A stopgap, not a permanent solution, in want of a teacher I can trust, at present.
[ striking isaac's name off the mental list and, later, the physical one.
but here, lest he think her a loyalist-in-training: ]
The system as it stood a decade ago was vile. I don't plan to sit idly by while plans are made for my future without having a say in them myself, and in my future, I plan to see daylight and travel the world and do what magic I wish. I'll do what I must to make that happen—
but you, I think, already have your own ideas on that.
[ some fascination in the way she puffs up. a cringing thing to enter, hackles now lifted clear. ]
I won’t see the inside of another Circle.
[ acknowledgment: yes, he’s his own ideas of the work ahead. it will not go quietly. joselyn is dead, and charlotte is so terribly alive, and there is that which he can no longer stomach to trade. ]
But near fifty, I own a deal less future. [ isaac considers: ] What did you hope of our meeting, Madamoiselle? If not my account or opinions.
Exactly what you offered: the history of the Circles. Facts.
[ ness is not, by and large, stupid. nor is she particularly bad at seeing what is right in front of her, despite all appearances to the contrary. what she isn't, though, is well-versed in dealing with a great deal of subtlety or hidden agendas. she can be subtle when needs be, and often prefers it—but she's not on the lookout for people with ulterior motives. so few people in her life have ever had them.
this first month is really a crash course in not being taken for a fool. she doesn't like it. ]
I was aware you had an agenda. I didn't expect you to pull out every line in the "I'm Radicalized, And So Can You!" handbook. At least you could have waited until our third conversation to start laying it on quite this thick.
I suppose I should thank you, [ standing up, reaching for her notes—gently brushing the caterpillar aside, because he did no wrong and shan't bear his master's crimes— ] Were you not so heavy-handed, I might have been an easier mark.
Here's to not seeing the inside of a Circle we don't willingly set foot into, Enchanter.
[ rifters never last so long. the caterpillar wobbles loose, rolling gently to its side. miniature legs fumble to reorient, a tiny hole chewed into the end of her notes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ ness lets the caterpillar crawl over her as she listens, mind half on how interesting it is to watch the thing move and half on isaac's explanation. she's beginning to understand some of the culture here, the stock placed in implication and leaving things unsaid. ]
Hardly fair, [ with all the enthusiasm of one who knows the world is rarely ever fair. ] Differences of governor, I assume, and too much slack on the leash?
[ those too enamored of their own power and convinced of their righteousness are always a danger, no matter the system or setting. ]
No way to know, at the end of this, which Circle one might be shipped off to, Montsimmard or the Gallows. Is a return to the Circles guaranteed, once Corypheus is dealt with?
no subject
[ the bug inches along, tiny feet bristling; blind to the world. isaac fishes in a pocket. ]
There are those who benefitted of the Circles — I stand among them. Were it not for the Chantry, I should be dead several times over. That isn’t enough.
To judge the Circles by their kindnesses is to excuse their abuses. I speak beyond the moral: There are ever those who would back themselves into a cage, as though good behavior will protect them. But what we permit will be used against us.
Tranquility cannot be so bad, after all. Montsimmard only made them of the willing.
[ he comes up with a cigarette, a thumb to spark. ]
I'm lecturing. You spoke of a library, and the similarities are striking; I would not have someone dangle the hope of home before you.
no subject
[ this is all alarming—so alarming that it gives ness pause, even as she frowns deeply at her caterpillar friend.
she recalls a scribing room, sat at an elbow smudged with ink and a husky voice murmuring—'ware the radical with vision, ennaris, always be sure to think for yourself. ren's dark, serious eyes holding hers as she explained tactics, rhetoric—the opposition is coming for you as you sleep, your life may be forfeit if you don't align with us, anyone who disagrees is naive or stupid or an agent of the enemy.
given what she already knows of the chantry, it doesn't seem impossible—nor, even, especially unlikely—that they will eventually come steal her from her bed one night. she'd be a fool, though, to be swayed so quickly, and an even bigger fool to trust without reservation a man who saw a young girl lacking context and pounced on the opportunity she presented. ]
I have experienced, [ she says slowly, finding the path of her sentence deliberately, ] being a conduit for magic I could not control. To be out of control of myself—worse, to know that even without intention I could cause serious harm... It was terrible. For a week, I was in misery.
[ her eyes meet isaac's now, steely, daring. the caterpillar is encouraged to the desk. ]
It was a templar who first rescued me from myself, and then a native mage. They both had an earnest desire to do right by me, not ignorant of the pain I could cause but willing to reach out their hands despite.
I needed both of them to be safe and useful. Not just the mage.
no subject
[ need them. he looks back, even; but a little funny. a little distant. patterns do repeat. ]
I'm sorry to hear it. You'll find most mages sympathize – whatever one's circumstance, the early years can be difficult. This decade's apprentices have new challenges before them. New, at least, to the South.
[ a shrug; he smokes. the caterpillar probes the edge of her notes, mandibles grinding for purchase. a native, and the order wouldn't call in an apostate. it leaves one man: ]
When you next speak with Enchanter Julius, you may wish to ask him of dispelling magic. Most Templars are presently occupied. We must take a degree of responsibility for ourselves.
no subject
[ it's not all doom and gloom, echoes a voice, it's about making you doubt yourself, too. always be open to being wrong—but don't trust someone who just wants you to be insecure. ]
I did.
[ need them. confident, assured. she did, because she wasn't making it stop on her own. she did, because she was too afraid to look for help. she did, because she says she did, and her opinion's the only one that counts in the matter. ]
I'm currently on magebane, [ not confirming or denying julius' involvement, ] whenever I can feel a flare coming on. A stopgap, not a permanent solution, in want of a teacher I can trust, at present.
[ striking isaac's name off the mental list and, later, the physical one.
but here, lest he think her a loyalist-in-training: ]
The system as it stood a decade ago was vile. I don't plan to sit idly by while plans are made for my future without having a say in them myself, and in my future, I plan to see daylight and travel the world and do what magic I wish. I'll do what I must to make that happen—
but you, I think, already have your own ideas on that.
no subject
I won’t see the inside of another Circle.
[ acknowledgment: yes, he’s his own ideas of the work ahead. it will not go quietly. joselyn is dead, and charlotte is so terribly alive, and there is that which he can no longer stomach to trade. ]
But near fifty, I own a deal less future. [ isaac considers: ] What did you hope of our meeting, Madamoiselle? If not my account or opinions.
no subject
Exactly what you offered: the history of the Circles. Facts.
[ ness is not, by and large, stupid. nor is she particularly bad at seeing what is right in front of her, despite all appearances to the contrary. what she isn't, though, is well-versed in dealing with a great deal of subtlety or hidden agendas. she can be subtle when needs be, and often prefers it—but she's not on the lookout for people with ulterior motives. so few people in her life have ever had them.
this first month is really a crash course in not being taken for a fool. she doesn't like it. ]
I was aware you had an agenda. I didn't expect you to pull out every line in the "I'm Radicalized, And So Can You!" handbook. At least you could have waited until our third conversation to start laying it on quite this thick.
I suppose I should thank you, [ standing up, reaching for her notes—gently brushing the caterpillar aside, because he did no wrong and shan't bear his master's crimes— ] Were you not so heavy-handed, I might have been an easier mark.
Here's to not seeing the inside of a Circle we don't willingly set foot into, Enchanter.
no subject
[ rifters never last so long. the caterpillar wobbles loose, rolling gently to its side. miniature legs fumble to reorient, a tiny hole chewed into the end of her notes. ]
Leave the door open when you go.
[ the dip of cigarette-end: cheers. ]